sweet bitter memories

Disappointed

2012-02-15T10:53:00.002+08:00

Life is quite static, beside getting busy with my college's assignment, i live my life as normal as i can think of. Go to class every morning til afternoon, went home, cook dinner, do homework, then go to sleep. I am getting bored with this and i hope i don't get so bored until i lost all of my passion. I admit that my works so far is not as satisfying as how i want it to be, and i don't really stand out, just swaying in the background. I always tried to give my best, but still, i always end up in the middle, sometimes i think, am i not suitable enough in this field? and end up getting angry at myself for being not hardworking enough and sadly, not creative enough. Also, i realized that my english is getting worse, in spite of the fact that i am in singapore now, most of my friends are indonesian, which make me speak indonesian more than english at some point, tragic.

Looking forward to open a new chapter in my specialization, hoping that i can find more foreign friends so i can brush up my english skill more, and work harder in different environment. I want to be one of the best student, and i want to stand out at the field that i love the most. Hope that it's not something too much to ask for.

Still, no luck this valentine, still no special guy and even no one in my heart, maybe it's better than spending it with unrequited love like the last few years, but damn, my heart keeps on screaming, 'where the fukc is that guy for me? do i even have one? why i still haven't get one at this age? is this even normal? am i too bad of a person until no one likes me?'.

that's it, feels better after i can finally wrote this questions somewhere.

Jess

2012-01-29T10:57:00.003+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!

i know it's quite late already, but better late than never isn't it?

I spent my Chinese New Year in Jakarta and Bandung again this year with my mom's side of family, and it was really fun to be able to meet with all of my cousins from my mom's side since most of them live in Jakarta and Bandung and usually i can only meet them once a year.

And now i am back in my cozy room, doing homeworks. It's okay though, i promised myself to do it as how i like it, not just for the sake of finishing it.

Anyway, after stumbling on a video project made by a blogger, i was sort of inspired to do something like that as well, not being a copycat, but we artist do get inspired from other artist and try to do something in our own way (ngeles ceritany :p) so i'm going to record (a short one, 5-10 secs) whatever i did in a month, and compile it, i'll start next month, and hopefully i can post it here by march. :)

gotta back with my work! see y :D

Jess

Hilang

2012-01-13T20:20:00.004+08:00

Telah lama aku bertahan

Demi cinta wujudkan sebuah harapan

Namun ku rasa cukup ku menunggu

Semua rasa tlah hilang

Sekarang aku tersadar

Cinta yang ku tunggu tak kunjung datang

Apalah arti aku menunggu

Bila kamu tak cinta lagi

Namun ku rasa cukup ku menunggu

Semua rasa tlah hilang

Sekarang aku tersadar

Cinta yang ku tunggu tak kunjung datang

Apalah arti aku menunggu

Bila kamu tak cinta lagi

Dahulu kaulah segalanya

Dahulu hanya dirimu yang ada di hatiku

Namun sekarang aku mengerti

Tak perlu ku menunggu sebuah cinta yang semu

Sekarang aku tersadar

Cinta yang ku tunggu tak kunjung datang

Apalah arti aku menunggu

Bila kamu tak cinta lagi

Sekarang aku tersadar

Cinta yang ku tunggu tak kunjung datang

Apalah arti aku menunggu

Bila kamu tak cinta lagi

-----

Such a perfect song to describe what i have been feeling this past few months. Wish i had knew this song sooner, maybe my heart won't feel so empty then. But life's been good, i finally figured out how i spend my life before i fall for you. It's quite empty i admit, but it's better. I had no regret anymore, because i had done what i should have done and after a very long time i finally can feel what freedom is again. Yes, it's not easy at first, even now i still feel like there's a part of me that's gone, but i'll find my other part again soon, somewhere.

"Namun ku rasa cukup ku menunggu. Semua rasa tlah hilang."

Jess

Here it goes

2011-12-29T20:18:00.003+08:00

Less than 2 weeks before departing back to singapore. Truthfully, no matter how long is the holiday, i think it will never be enough for me. There'll be always more things that i need to do and i will always think that i don't have enough time. I love being back in my hometown, though there are some moments when i feel like, maybe living in other country, is a good decision. However, i always want to stay here as long as i can.

A new year will also come soon, last year, i wrote some hopes and wishes for 2011 in a piece of paper, and put it in my drawer, i look at it yesterday, and realized that my number one wish, which is to study in Lasalle had came true. I try to recall how i feel last year, when getting accepted in Lasalle means so much to me, and i knew i will always remember how it felt, maybe, that's why no matter how stressful the classes is, i knew i will never give up and always enjoy it. During my holidays, i gave some thought again, on how i want my future to be, and realised that no matter how i used to adore singapore, i also want to expand my wings to further places, i want to go and live in different countries and see how different things are there, so i made up my mind and decide to continue my bachelor degree later in Australia. Why Australia? Well, i am still thinking of other countries as well, but for the moment, Aussie seems like the most perfect country for me, it was not that far from home, and singapore had the same politics regulation as Aussie, so moving there won't be that hard, and it was a really different culture there, since there are more caucasian there, so i get to see how the differences are. However, London or USA also sounds good, isn't it? hahaha

Gonna end up this post, anyway I wish all of you a Happy New Year :)

Jess

2011-12-05T17:55:00.000+08:00

Dear God, please tell me that i had done the right thing.

*fingerscrossed*

Jess

Hometown

2011-11-30T12:47:00.003+08:00

Hi there peeps, finally back in my hometown now. Life has been good so far, spent these few days by relaxing and eating and chilling with my family and friends. In fact, i don't know what to write anymore, because that's all that i've been doing. Hahaha

It's always good to be around your family after staying alone for months, you can see how much they actually love and dote on you. And your bond with your siblings will get stronger somehow, yes, i know it's quite ironic, but i do feel closer to my family after i don't live with them.

well, planned to meet up with my buddies again to catch a movie today and more foods hopefuly, hahaha. Life's good. :P

Jess

News News News

2011-11-16T00:45:00.002+08:00

Ah, anyway, i got some good news to write here. I am moving!! I'll be staying here (the place i am currently renting) until about 26th November (since i am going back to medan on 26th), and on January, i'll stay in the new place! And i am going to move my stuffs on 24th Nov (planned to). I'll be moving to Bukit Timah area, and i'll share a room with my classmate, Key. There's also one of my friend who is from Jakarta as well, in the other room. It was quite pricey though, i hope i won't burden my family so much for this. (Really have to work part time here on my free time). So yeah, that's all i want to write. Gotta get back to my assignments!

Jess

Fashion thought

2011-11-16T00:43:00.002+08:00

What will it be if i combined jumpsuit and blazer?

(so eggcited to try this look! jumpsuit is so in my shopping list right now!)

Jess

i had enough

2011-11-12T20:33:00.004+08:00

I want to move out from this place. I had written about it here, and i told some of my family and friends. I am just tired of everything, I am tired of always being the one who was accused for everything that goes wrong in this house, the trashes, the lights, the washing stuffs; whatever-the-f*ck-it-was-called, i am tired of getting complaint for the way i live, the way i do my assignments, the way i put my stuffs, the way i do everything..

i was like, i had enough... i hate being alone here, i hate the bed, the table, the sofa, even the chair.

there was no mcdonalds nearby, no starbucks, no malls. i had no friend here, i feel f*cking alone here, in fact. i hate my roommate, i hate it. they just can't understand the way i live.

and when i find a place that i think perfect, it was just out of my league, too expensive, yeah. i am afraid that it will just be a burden for my family. i know i should be grateful for everything that i have now, yes, i am grateful that i can further my studies here, but i just want a better place to live. i hate it here. :( and i don't know what to do now. i just feel like crying. in fact, i am crying now.

and i know i have assignments to do, but i just don't feel like doing it anymore. whatever, i am going to sleep.

Jess

First Semester - END

2011-11-11T20:41:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was my last day of my first semester in Lasalle, no more classes to attend, which means the 'no contact week' had arrived, well, time flies so fast, i can still remember clearly how i felt on my first day, and now, my first semester is over. My assessment date will be on 23rd of November, so i still have about 12 days to touch up my sketchbooks, much work indeed. But, all of this will worth it in the future. it will.

Anyway, tomorrow, i'll go to my friend's place and have a look and discussion with her landlady about renting a room there, so excited! Hope it will turn out great! That is one of my 11/11/11 wish though. Can't wait to move and start a different lifestyle there! A better one for sure!

Can't wait for 26th November! 15 days to go!

xoxo

Jess

Oh, by the way, i also just ordered a Gateau Opera cake with Macaroon and pistachio garnish from La Maison Patisserie for my grandfather's birthday that will fall on this upcoming 27th November. Hope it tastes great!

I am so poor, i can't even pay attention

2011-11-07T16:44:00.002+08:00

Like what i had type numerous times here, i have a mountain of homework to do. But sadly, i couldn't find the mood to do it. All i had done the past few hours are, checking my facebook and twitter, blogging, watch youtube videos, open mivo.tv, checking my email, and other unimportant stuffs. Can someone tell me what should i do to gain my mood? :(

hopeless here.

maybe i am just tired, or even bored. argh....

2011-11-07T01:41:00.004+08:00

i wish i had more money to buy books.

such a nerd.

but well, can't help it, i love reading books and the smell of books. I love filling my brain with the words and let my imagination plays the scene in my head. I used to think that if i don't choose Design as my major, i'd pick Literature, why? because i am a book freak! Haha. Back to topic, i wish i had some money left to buy a fiction book at the end of the month. Been missing reading a good book after getting drown in world of art and design these few months.

Jess

2011-11-06T18:19:00.004+08:00

Did a little changes here and there, trying to make my layout look as how i want, but still, it feels weird. Wishing to learn web design somehow.

don't have any idea about what to write. Life has been pretty flat these days, i just pass my day by doing endless assignments and checking twitter, facebook and my mails. I feel really amazed all of a sudden, by how fast 4 months had passed, and what i had done in these 4 months ( i'll post pics of what i had done in college later after i had done my assessment ) i never imagined that i could do all of those works. Lasalle made me learn a LOT for sure.

well, out of words to say, wish everyone a great week ahead. will write again soon :)

Jess ♥

when you wish that all of those assignments could disappear

2011-11-05T22:23:00.007+08:00

bored with assignments, so i camwhore

Hate the quality of my pocket camera, planning to save some money to buy a DSLR.

Well, i do get a contract with Elite, at least they said so, they haven't contact me back yet, due to their schedule with the 12th finalists, they said that they'll contact me as soon as they finish with all of the final thingy. hopefully, soon. cause i need job! i need money! haha. sound so materialistic.

anw, at least i signed myself to be a gallery sitter at my college's gallery, it is a job that i called as 'you sit down and get money'. haha. i'll be sitting for 'Joseph McNally gallery on 18th Nov. Thank God i got that job, because it helps me a lot. A LOT. i am quite short of cash now, due to my stupid photography portfolio that cost me 50 dollars, so that job, is like an oasis in the desert. hahaha

waiting for 26th november

Jess

ProcastiNATION

2011-11-05T00:09:00.001+08:00

should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework. should be doing my homework.

2011-10-29T11:07:00.003+08:00

Morning lovelies, had this urge to post something in my blog despite i got no idea about what to write. Let's see.. I join Elite Model Look Singapore 2011, and become one of the semifinalist, and i promise myself that i will do my best, no matter i will win or not. I aim to at least get into the 30 semifinalist though, because those are the girls that will get a modeling contract with elite singapore. So yeah, i will do my best and give my all, so there'll be no regret!!

and anyway, it's getting closer to end of my first semester, and lots of final project are coming and piling up, so i am juggling my modeling and school time, and i think i am going insane soon.

see ya in my next post! hopefully with a modeling contract in my hand!

Junooo

a little update

2011-10-20T21:10:00.002+08:00

hey there, just checking in to give a little update of my life. yesterday, i booked a flight to medan on 26th nov for my upcoming semester break. And, it's not that i can be happy though, college life is getting thougher since it's closer to assessment already. Lot's of things to catch up, piles of new homeworks coming, and not to mention the extra classes. I have been sleeping around 3 am these past few days and feeling kinda not energized today, just hoping that i won't fall sick! i can not fall sick! since tomorrow's class is photography, i have not much work to do, so planning to sleep earlier tonight. My body needs a rest so bad.

At least i can rest as much as i can during my holiday! oh my, how i can't wait for 26th november!

@jesslynfeliciaa

Don't worry about tomorrow

2011-10-16T18:41:00.002+08:00

National Museum of Singapore

I always knew that i had this problem with time management. For example, i should be like doing my 2D homework now, but instead, i am watching tv and typing this. I just got home from church and some groceries shopping, i went to sunday service almost every week now, it's a great and fun routine, the atmosphere in singapore's church to me is very different with the one in medan and i always feel less stressed after going there. The church is called New Creation church and the service is held in Suntec City (tower 4). It was Eunike, one of my classmate in Lasalle who asked me to join her, so after the service we'll go around Suntec City trying foods that we can rarely find in Indonesia (Eunike is from Jakarta anyway). And one of the most addicting food that i had tasted so far is Hot Balls from Chippy. Hot Balls is fried Mars Chocolate (yes, fried) served with ice cream (vanilla or chocolate) with Hershey's chocolate sauce on top. It tastes like heaven and insanely addictive. Planning to try some other things next week, can't wait!

Well, i guess i better start doing my homeworks.

2011-10-13T20:27:00.003+08:00

Do check my tumblr if you want to see more posts about Secret Garden! :D

click here.

annyong~ :3

시크릿 가든

2011-10-10T19:23:00.018+08:00

So as i promised, here's my tribute post for my most fave drama, Secret Garden! :D

I think i heard of this drama since like 10 months ago i guess, when i am still in high school, by that time, what i imagined when i heard of Secret Garden is, two people in a rose garden (okay, so cheesy, i know) and i had absolutely no interest in the drama. But as time goes by, i guess when i am having my holiday on May to July, i was actually thinking of watching this drama, but ended up watching other dramas instead, until i am in singapore, and i find some spare time, so i think, 'why don't i try to watch this drama?' and i fell in love with it instantly :) well, yeah it's not the latest drama anymore now, but a good storyline never gets old, right? :D

Secret Garden's posters

The drama tells about the story of Kim Joo Won, a CEO of Loel department store, whose personality is, well quite unique to me, he is arrogant, annoying, smart, yet naive. One day, when his superstar cousin , named Oska (a.k.a. Choi Woo Young) asked him to find actress Park Chae Rin, he mistaken the stuntwoman, Gil Ra Im, for the actress. And therefore this is the start of their always fighting relationship. To me, Joo Won seemed to be impressed by

Ra Im simply because she is tough, unlike all the other rich girl he used to met. Well, it wouldn't be fun if the drama is just about that, a strange thing also happen to them, which is, they got their soul swapped! (remember the title : 'Secret' Garden) Interesting, isn't it? :D

I think the part that i like the most is how the director make the scenes where Joo Won has fall for Ra Im, but he doesn't realize it somehow. Also how sweet and romantic Joo Won's can be towards Ra Im, though i kinda hate it when Joo Won speaks so harsh to Ra Im ( he is a stubborn-raised rich man, what do you expect? haha )

I laugh a lot watching this drama, there are a lot of funny scenes (especially when their soul got swapped) and Joo Won's expressions is really cute! So how can i not fall in love with this drama? :D

And behind a good drama, there are always great actors and actresses who made it superb.

Hyun Bin as Kim Joo Won

I think he did a great job in this drama, he acted really well both as Joo Won and as Ra Im (when their soul got swapped) and you'll just love his huge range of face expressions!

Ha Ji Won as Gil Ra Im

Our heroine in the movie! The amazing woman Gil Ra Im! :D

Yoon Sang Hyun as Oska (Choi Woo Young)

The playboy superstar, Oska! Ra Im's fairy godmother! The actor played it really well, he is like one of the comedian in the drama. :P

Kim Sa Rang as Yoon Seul

Oska's first and last love, at the beginning of the drama, she go for a matchmaking session with Joo Won. She first appeared to be quite bitchy though, but as the drama goes, she is actually a very nice character, she helps Ra Im and Joo Won too! The actress did a great job as well, portraying the heartbroken but still classy woman.

Lee Philip as Im Jong Soo

The director at the place where Ra Im work. He loves Ra Im but he just keep it to himself. His hairstyle is annoying, but his character is a really caring person, and he speaks english really fluently, he lived in US though, so no surprise.

Kim Sung Oh as Kim Sung Woo (Joo Won's secretary)

Joo Won's comical secretary. He is actually cares a lot about his boss though. And he is another actor that will make you burst into laughter looking at his character.

Secret Garden OST tracklist :

Disc 1

1. That woman - Baek Ji Young

2. You are my spring - Sung Si Kyung

3. Reason - 4Men

4. Here I am - 4Men feat. Mi

5. Appear - Kim Bum Soo

6. One Woman - BeBe Mignon

7. I Can't - Mi

8. Scar - BOIS

9. Appear (Ballade) - Yoari

10. You are My Everything - Jung Ha Yoon

11. Here I am (Piano ver.) - Mi

12. That Man - Baek Ji Young

Disc 2

1. That Man - Hyun Bin

2. Constellation of Tears - Yoon Sang Hyun

3. Liar - Yoon Sang Hyun

4. Fairytale - Yiruma

5. Gazing - Yoon Sang Hyun

6. Here I am (Drama ver.) - Yoon Sang Hyun

All of the soundtracks are really nice! Recommend you to download all of it! :P

So yes, if you haven't watch this drama, i highly recommend you to go watch it! You won't be disappointed! (especially if you are a romantic comedy drama lover like me :P) why? because the drama is perfect! can't you see? great storyline, superb actor and actresses, wonderful soundtrack, and lots lots more.

anyway, this is a mantra that Joo Won like to say :D

( i found myself like to say it too sometime after watching this drama :P)

and last but not least, some pics of hyun bin to end this post (why? because he is such a perfect guy!! ) :P

Well, i hope you enjoy this post! :D

One of the longest post i had ever made! hahaha

Gamsahabnida :D

Annyong!

2011-09-22T21:16:00.003+08:00

Bian bloggie for abandoning you for a long long time :(

College life is getting tougher with assignments and assignments. I am currently in my Project week, which means i have no classes ( you think it's fun? nah ) Project week was designed for us to catch up all the works that we haven't done, and me, someone who is both love to procrastinate and perfectionist, decided to re-do some of my work adn since i haven't done some of my work, which means hell yeah, i got a lot of works to do. (damn)

But then, i am a teenager, so i still went out with friends for some movies and dinner and shopping (okay, i am killing myself)

Anyway, i am crazeh with Secret Garden!! especially the lead male actor, a.k.a Hyun Bin!!!! I'll share about it some other day when i have the time :D . Actually i haven't finish watching it though, because i am scared to watch the ending. I'll miss the drama way too much then!!! so i am currently still in the 18th episode. (yes, i am insane)

oh Hyun bin oppaaaaaa.......... look how cute he is!!

and anw, i am really looking forward for going back to medan in project week, but mommy says no since the airline ticket cost a lot, and it's just a few days left. soo... :(

but, let's not drown in sadness for too long, it's normal to feel homesick isn't it?

it's 2 months left before my semester break anyway, hahaha

But i still really want to move out this place that i am curently renting. :( tell you the story some other time, but yeah, i hate it a lot here.

see ya in my next post! ;)

is it a sin?

2011-08-26T00:33:00.001+08:00

is it a mistake if i think of you more in that day? that one day in a year..

Homeworks, College, Singapore

2011-08-16T20:17:00.002+08:00

Hi it's me again here, college just start in less than 2 weeks and my homeworks are piling up, all subject has their own homework and research to do and most of them are due in one week, i'm trying to do my best and putting love and effort in my homework so my portfolio will be great. And for sure, still trying to make new friends, and struggling to adapt with their joke and way of talking.

speechless, dunno what to write.

continue later peeps, when i have the time, lol

@jesslynfeliciaa

can't wait!

2011-08-11T18:34:00.003+08:00

really can't wait for my trip to batam tomorrow, yes, i am coming home baby! hahaha, can't wait to have some nasi padang, mcd, pizza, fetuccini, martabak, sate padang, gong gong, and tons of other indonesian food! *drooling* and i miss mommy and dad and my batam home too. Oh yeah, plan to watch transformers too, since the movie ticket here is so expensive and i guess they are not showing transformers here anymore. Therefore, i also have homeworks to do there, my 3 pieces of drawing and my evaluation for the 3D project.Damn, maybe i won't even be able to enjoy my holiday. Gotta finish at least one drawing today!

okay then, no more blogging, homework, come to mamah!

@jesslynfeliciaa

2NE1 - Lonely

2011-08-10T16:27:00.003+08:00

holla! here i am, now as what i wrote in my last post, i am so into 2NE1 these days, and this song has been playing on my music player for numerous time, i love the melody of this song and their voices are so easy listening, so, enjoy! :)

lyrics

Jigeum naega haneun yaegi
Neol apeuge halji molla
Ama nal jukdorok miwohage doel kkeoya
Naega yejeon gatji antadeon ne mal
Modu teullin mareun aniya
Nado byeonhaebeorin naega nat seolgimanhae
Neomu chakhan neonde neon geudaeroinde Oh
I don't know I don't know
Naega wae ireoneunji
Geutorok saranghaenneunde neon yeogi inneunde Oh
I don't know
Ije nal chatgo sipeo
Baby I'm sorry neowa isseodo nan lonely
Saranghagin naega bujokhanga bwa
Ireon motnan nal yongseohae
I'm sorry ige neowa naui story
Sarangiran naegen gwabunhanga bwa
Ne gyeote isseodo

The words I’m saying right now, I don’t know if they’ll hurt you
They’ll probably make you hate me forever
You, saying that I’m not the same as I used to be, is not completely untrue
This changed me is a stranger to myself as well
You are so kind but
That’s the way you are but oh
I don’t know I don’t know
Why I am like this
We were so in love, and you’re here now but oh
I don’t know
I want to find myself now

Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Nega jalmotan ge anya
Naega isanghan geoya
Imi orae jeonbuteo nan junbi haenna bwa ibyeoreul
Jeongmal jalhaejugo sipeonneunde
Hapil sarang apeseoneun wae

Ireoke haneobsi jagajigo oerounji
Neomu chakhan neonde neon geudaeroinde Oh
I don't know I don't know
Naega wae ireoneunji
Geutorok saranghaenneunde neon yeogi inneunde Oh
I don't know
Ije nal chatgo sipeo

Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m the strange one
It seems I’ve already been prepared long ago, for our breakup
I really wanted to treat you well, out of all the times, why is it when I’m confronted by love
I am shrinking away & am lonely endlessly
You are so kind but
That’s the way you are but oh
I don’t know I don’t know
Why I am like this
We were so in love, and you’re here now but oh
I don’t know
I want to find myself now

Baby I'm sorry neowa isseodo nan lonely
Saranghagin naega bujokhanga bwa
Ireon motnan nal yongseohae
I'm sorry ige neowa naui story
Sarangiran naegen gwabunhanga bwa
Ne gyeote isseodo
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I'm so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

Baby I’m sorry, even when I’m with you, I’m Lonely
I must be lacking when it comes to love, please forgive this person horrible person I am
I’m sorry, this is your and my story
I must not be worthy of this thing called love, even though I’m by your side
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

Cuz I'm just another girl
I bami werowo nan
Deoneun gyeondil su eobseo good bye
Cuz I'm just another girl
Neomuna werowo
Jigeum ne gyeote isseodo baby I'm so lonely

Cuz I’m just another girl
This night is lonely, I
Can’t take any more, Good bye
Cuz I’m just another girl
I’m so lonely
Even though I’m by your side right now
Baby I’m so lonely
Lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely

(lyrics taken from www.gadis999.onsugar.com)

homeworks

2011-08-10T16:14:00.002+08:00

It's 16.15 now, truthfully i haven't had my lunch, i ate some pieces of bread and triple-M roasted seaweeds to fill my stomach, actually i really feel like eating but i am too lazy to walk to the nearby hawker centre, i thought about ordering Mcd delivery, but it was too expensive, so maybe i'll be just fine with breads and seaweed. Yes, i know, i am torturing myself.

I start my college last Monday, but since 9th august was singapore's independence day and 10th august was lasalle founder's day, i got two days of holidays :p and yeah, i already have a homework, 3 pieces of drawing for my 2D class, and instead of doing it, i've been hanging out with my friends yesterday and watch tv and surfing the internet today, i am so gonna die. *stop procrastinating!!!*

Anyway, i planned to go to Batam this Friday *yeay!!* why? cause my class ended at 12, and i have nothing to do on saturday and sunday, so a trip back home sounds nice :P i can finally eat kfc (with rice!) i miss miss miss indonesian foods so much!!! okay, stop talking about foods, it makes me super hungry now.

Nowadays, i am so into 2NE1, hahaha. seems like i watch too much mtv. --"

well, i am gonna share their song, Lonely and ugly at my next post for my 'song of the day' section

bye!

@jesslynfeliciaa

Sing a song

2011-08-06T18:26:00.003+08:00

Well, life in Singapore starts to feel better now, i talked about how i felt to some of my friends few days ago and they gave me supports and motivating words, telling me not to give up and such, i feel much better after that, and suddenly i feel more relaxed, and i can see things from a whole different perspective now. Thank you guys :)

So i just watched Harry Potter and the deathly hallows part 2, i know it's pretty late already, but i was so happy to finally can end the movie, i am sure gonna miss the movie so much! I watched it with my college friend who is also from medan, pretty awkward, but pretty fun too :D

The house i am currently staying in singapore is okay, room is not so big actually, but everything is good, though i wish to live in an apartmen :p i mean, waking up with a view of the city seems cool, hahaha. planning to move out from this place semester, so for the time being, maybe i just have to postpone my 'apartmen room' wish.

my room! yeah, i know, it's pretty messy

running out of words to say, so i'll just end this post.

see ya :)

@jesslynfeliciaa

P.S : planning to join a modelling agency in singapore since i miss runway so much! wish me luck :*

i don't know

2011-07-31T12:11:00.000+08:00

I always think that this is my dream, what I always wanted, but now, I can't believe I'm crying while typing this, I miss my family, my friends, everyone that I once had. I feel so empty here. I know, it's just me that still can't adapt. I thought I won't feel sad anymore, because I had experienced this 6 years ago when I decided to move to medan from batam, but still, I feel what I felt during the first few weeks when I just moved to medan, I feel like crying. And now, all I want is just to be with my family.

Singapore

2011-07-30T21:13:00.003+08:00

Hi there, it is 30th July today, well time flies so fast, i couldn't believe i have been in singapore for almost 1 week! Well this week is filled with orientation, and adapting, not to forget, walking. (lol) Mom is already back to Batam today, so here i am, alone in my new house in singapore. my housemates seem good though, especially the indonesian one,they are really friendly, maybe that is why foreigners always say that indonesians are really friendly, when you're in some other country, you'll realize it, seriously. my singaporean housemate seem so.. reserved (like, she has a motto 'my world is my world, your world is yours') and the malaysian? worse, i haven't even spoke a word with them. it's like i don't even exist. gosh. really awkward.

My college is great, it was artsy, and beautiful college, not to forget mazy (is that even a word? haha) My PPD tutor seems nice and strict, and there are a lot of singaporean and chinese in my class. Yes, by chinese i mean they are from china, i couldn't even understand a word when they are talking to each other. wtf --" hope i can make friends with them *fingerscrossed*

and to tell you the truth, i feel like i don't have any friend here. :( sad sad sad.

i miss my mom

@jesslynfeliciaa

16th July

2011-07-16T23:52:00.002+08:00

Just went home from my relatives' wedding. The newlyweds used to live in USA, so maybe that's why the wedding ceremony has a feel of western style wedding. It was a pretty enjoyable night anyway.

Mom has bought my flight ticket to Batam on 20th July, so fast :( i've been trying to convince mommy to bought the 22nd July flight instead, but mommy has few things to do in Batam, so there goes the 22nd July flight :( wondering what i should do to fill my days from 20th to 23rd July, since i am going to Singapore on 24th July. No brothers, no internet connection, guess i'll look at my blackberry for 24/7 --"

So technically, i only got 3 days left in Medan, haven't pack, and i still got tons of stuffs to do, not to mention some last hangouts with my girls, hope i can do all of those in these 3 days. I have a list of medanese foods to eat before leaving from medan too, really wish i can eat those foods too in these 3 days. Lol

see you in my next post! (that i will probably post in singapore already! still getting nor exited nor nervous though)

@jesslynfeliciaa

12th July

2011-07-12T12:35:00.002+08:00

Regarding to my last post, no, i'm not going to ask mommy and dad to buy me all of those stuffs, my college fee has already been pretty expensive, my mom will kill me if i ask for some more stuffs that might be not really important right now. For example, I already have a 15" Toshiba laptop, which is pretty good for design already (mac, please wait for 1 or 2 more years!), i already have a sneakers, i already... wait, i don't have any bag that is appropriate for me to bring to college, so maybe i should go and find a bag. But no, i don't have any camera :( can i survive in an arts college without camera? :( or should i buy one?

mumbling, scribbling

@jesslynfeliciaa

wishlist

2011-07-11T20:02:00.010+08:00

will be leaving to singapore in less than 2 weeks, and my mind is full with the things that i wish i have (so i can bring to singapore, lol)

macbook pro

Doc Martens eye boot

(been craving for one since years ago, but i thought i won't be wearing it much, but since i am going to singapore and i'll be walking around much, i've been craving for it again! actually any brands will do, i love the design, not the brand :p and the one that's comfortable to wear)

Bags (the kind of bags that is stylish yet i can bring to college)

i fell in love with this shorts at the first sight!

last but not least. a DSLR (i am a design student, dont give me that look. lol)

or at least, a pocket camera will do ;p

we are YOUNG

2011-07-11T19:53:00.002+08:00

Bold

2011-07-06T20:07:00.001+08:00

BOLD what applies to you:

01. You’re currently confused about someone’s feelings for you.

02. You have been in a serious relationship before.

03. You own an iPod of some sort.

04. You do not like your sibling’s girlfriend/boyfriend.

05. You drink too much alcohol.

06. You have been to the Olive Garden.

07. You have taken medicine of some sort this week.

08. It is really cold in your house right now.

09. You are extremely dependent on others.

10. You do not like to express your feelings in front of others.

11. You ate a lot of food today.

12. It doesn’t take much for you to cry.

13. People consider you as a happy sort of person.

14. Someone in your family is rich.

15. You have been to Disney World or Disneyland before.

16. You hate when people constantly talk about themselves.

17. You are a good listener, but you hate complainers.

18. Someone has called you for a serious medical emergency before.

19. You have had a serious surgery.

20. Your house has a spare bedroom.

21. Your house is old.

22. You have at least one cousin under the age of three.

23. You have never held a baby before.

24. You can’t handle toddlers.

25. You have a painting in your room.

26. You have been to Canada.

27. You have been to Mexico.

28. You love cherry flavored lollipops.

29. You celebrate Easter.

30. You observe Lent.

31. You are Catholic.

32. You do not believe in God.

33. Religion is not important to you.

34. You want to have a small family one day.

35. You would rather have more sons than daughters.

36. You have more aunts than uncles.

37. You hate being too cold.

38. You currently are way tanner than everyone else.

39. You wear shoes in your house.

40. Your parents are clean freaks.

41. You are more messy than clean.

42. You are currently angry at someone.

43. Patience is so not a virtue to you.

44. Your desk is extremely clean.

45. Your bed sheets are either blue, green, black, or white.

46. When you hear “black & white” it reminds you of Katy Perry’s ‘Hot n Cold’ song.

47. You have no clue what that song is.

48. You think rap artists are completely pathetic.

49. You are glad George Bush is out of office.

50. Politics are boring to you.

51. You take a vitamin daily.

52. You feel like you are sick often.

53. You hate throwing up.

54. You think it’s gross when people set food down on their desk at school with no napkin.

55. You also find it gross that people sit on top of desks.

56. You are now cringing at the thought of someone’s food where someone’s ass was.

57. You love getting bubble baths.

58. You do not like chocolate at all.

59. You are allergic to nuts.

60. You have been stung by a bee before.

61. You have been to the emergency room before for something.

62. One of your parents is 50 or older.

63. You are the baby of your immediate family.

64. You hate broccoli.

65. Cooked carrots are good, though.

66. You go on tumblr too much.

67. You are really comfortable right now.

68. You like witty t-shirts.

69. You are a major fan of underground bands.

70. You have been on an airplane before.

71. You are not afraid of heights.

72. You consider yourself paranoid.

73. You have had a panic attack before.

74. The thought of being old and alone bothers you.

75. You would choose the elderly over children.

76. You feel like you’re living in the wrong decade.

77. You like the color green.

78. You think it’s way too cold outside right now.

79. You love the thought of sleeping in tomorrow morning.

80. You would rather go to bed early and get up early.

81. You feel like the early bird catches the worm.

82. You are a big breakfast eater.

83. You are currently suffering from the common cold.

84. You are craving something salty.

85. You have been in a car today.

86. There is something plugged in near you.

87. You have heard of the TV show “Private Practice.”

88. You do not like medical television shows.

89. You prefer horror to comedies.

90. You adore Leo & Kate.

91. You think high-waisted pants look good.

92. You hate cheesy movies.

93. You enjoy camping out.

94. Bugs bother you.

95. You do well in school without trying.

96. You are extremely jealous of someone currently.

97. You feel like you have changed a lot from 08-09.

98. You like energy drinks.

99. You like italics.

100. You know the entire script of Mean Girls.

2011-07-06T17:56:00.003+08:00

i guess something is wrong with me, i have a bunch of things going on in my mind, but when i logged in to my blog, i don't have any idea of what to write. and if you pay attention, i used a lot of 'i guess' in my posts, every single post i guess, and this shows how inconsistent i am. screw me.

6th July

2011-07-06T17:16:00.004+08:00

It's been a pretty long time since my last post, got pretty stressed up because of searching for accommodation in singapore, so far i have found a few potential one, and yesterday, a girl who joined Lasalle's workshop last april called me and asked whether i want to rent a room in a condo with her and another girl who joined the workshop too, i asked my mom, and she agreed, so they'll be my flatmates and one of them will be my roommates i guess, and for the other option, i also found a room in Mcphearson area, both of them have affordable price and took about 10-15 mins bus ride to my college. So i guess i should feel a bit relieved. Haha

Less than 3 weeks before my departure to singapore, and i got a bunch of mixed up feelings, excited, sad, happy, anxious, nervous, blah-blah-blah. I mean, life will be so different there, no maid to wash and iron my clothes and clean my room, no driver to pick me up, and i should go buy my own breakfast,lunch and dinner too. But, i always want to live alone, and be more mature, so this will be a great experience, and i guess the best that i can do is to prepare myself as good as i can. (and filling my 'less-than-three-weeks' in medan with my family and friends for sure! read: hangouts and camwhoring. lol)

will write more,

@jesslynfeliciaa

Hey, i am a Gemini

2011-06-07T17:14:00.003+08:00

A perfect day for me will be a day spent staying at home with my family , with the air con on, watching DVDs accompanied by all kinds of snacks like popcorn, chips and cakes. Not to forget, a cup of tea.

A perfect day for me will be a day spent in a coffee shop with my friends, giggling, laughing, gossiping and sharing a bunch of stories. With a glass of drink and a plate of something sweet.

A perfect day for me will be a day spent in a mall, shopping like my credit card has no limit. just buying anything that caught my attention.

A perfect day for me will be a day spent with someone i love. Doing whatever is fine.

personality test

2011-06-06T19:41:00.002+08:00

Surfing the internet, browsing for random people's blogs, reading people's life story, and then i stumble on a personality test website. These are my results.

Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

내가 돌아 왔 잖아 !

2011-06-05T14:26:00.033+08:00

Sorry for the long pause, my internet connection is like a b*tch, and i am off for my long-waited holiday trip to Singapore and KL with my friends at the end of the month, and thank God i finally got my internet connection back.

It was an 8 days trip, 2 nights in Singapore and 4 nights in KL, it was a whole new experience for me, though i've been to both countries a few times already, what makes it different is of course that this time i go there with my friends instead of my family. Everything is so memorable, from the first day until the last day, from the hainam chicken rice to crabs, from orchard road to bukit bintang, from snow city to universal studio, and from airplane, train, and not to forget the bus. Can't find any word to describe our trip, so i'll let these pictures do the talk.

@ Marina Bay Sands

Angel

Jessy, Angel and Mr. Frankenstein

@ Universal Studio ! XD

Orchard Road

Pavilion , KL

some kind of dish with rice, pork chop, corn, and lots of cheese. yum! :9

bookstore!

Sunway Pyramid

movie marathon :p

me and Angel ♥

one starbucks treats before we're back to medan

It's such a pleasant trip. :) wish suvany and chrisce was there. It would be much more fun i believe.

Yesterday was my birthday. Hate to admit it but i am eighteen years old already. It feels like i just turn seventeen, time surely flies fast. Before my birthday, i don't plan to do any party this year, but i don't want to spend it alone too. I am not really a party girl, so spending my birthday with my best friends for some lunch, with some laughter and gossiping is perfect for me. So i ask some of my close friends for a lunch at Lekker Urban House, Multatuli. And it turns out that they gave me some surprises. I was speechless for sure, since i don't expect any surprises this year. Thank you so much, you guys made my day. ♥ :)

the books my besties gave me ; the secret and an interior design book

something with dory fish and lemon. forget the name of the dish, but it's a must try! :9

so i was looking at my present, not knowing anything

and suddenly, angel came with a cake. i love this shot. haha

all of us ♥

thanks for the birthday greetings and wishes!
huge thanks to secret and to angel again for the treat at Trattoria, lol.

how am i gonna get over you?

2011-05-18T01:43:00.002+08:00

Let's just say that i decided to end this one sided love since yesterday.
And far from my expectation, today turns out not that bad. Though i still caught myself thinking about what you are doing for a few times, laughing at your tweets, and writing about you now, which obviously made me think about you again. But the good thing is i don't check on your twitter and facebook profile today, i don't even had the urge to, and i don't feel any hurt feelings when i see you are tweeting with some other girls. One step ahead i guess?
But i won't say that it is easy for me to reach this state, i mean, i had to drown myself with "Gonna Get Over You" by Sara Bareilles for tons of times since yesterday, and reassuring myself as hard as i can that this is the best solution the best ending.
But just a few minutes ago, my ambitious side knocked on my door, and said "You sure with this?" and i am just speechless. So i listen to "gonna get over you" again.

Okay, i know, a part of me, maybe 30% part of me, still finds it hard. I mean, i am always this ambitious and positive thinking girl that somehow most of the time always get what i want. And that 30% part of me still wants me to think positive and believe that my dream will come true, but the 70% part of me thinks that all of this is enough, 3 years and a half of dreaming is more than enough and if he doesn't want me, it's time for me to look for someone who does, or at least enjoy my single life without that pain in the chest feeling that i get everytime you replied my chat with that flat respond, everytime you always says goodbye first, and everytime i saw your tweets, which is about talking to some other girl.
i am tired of thinking, i am tired of getting hurt by my own thoughts.

I may still love you, but it's a different situation now, i won't make you as the main reason of my happiness again, i don't want to only feel happy just because of your smile, just because you mentioned me, just because of seeing you, no, i don't want that anymore. I want to open my eyes and see that there are a lot of things in my life that i can cherish too, and i can feel happy because of those things too, it doesn't always have to be you boy.

"I'll wait for you as long as I can. But, when the time comes I fall for someone else, maybe it's about the time to wake up and have the happiness I deserve" - www.superstellacupcakes.com
oh no, should i be that ambitious girl again? is this quote is the best solution?
why love has to be this hard?

J

sweethearts

2011-05-16T00:06:00.018+08:00

2011-05-15T23:25:00.001+08:00

couldn't agree more

Song of the day #2

2011-05-15T23:02:00.002+08:00

Lyrics ( with Romanization and English) :
只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
Zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
There's only the piano left to stand here with me

夢想中屬於我們的婚禮
Meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The marriage between us that I've always dreamt of

卻成了單人結婚進行曲
Que cheng le chan ren jie hun jin xing qu
Has become the tune of someone walking down the aisle alone

在這場愛情角力的拔河裡愛我還是愛你
Zai zhe chang ai qing jiao li de ba he li Ai wo hai shi ai ni
In this love tug-of-war, to love me or to love you

你選擇了自己
Ni xuan ze le zi ji
You chose yourself

撒嬌的可愛的黏人的愛哭的
Sa jiao de, ke ai de, nu ren de, ai ku de,
Poutingly, Cutely, Girlishly, Loving to cry

照片裡曾經的都是你喜歡的

zhao pian li, ceng jing de, dou shi ni xi huan de
All the photos contains memories that you like

如今我還在原地你卻走回你的記憶
Ru jin wo hai zai yuan di Ni que zou hui ni de ji yi
Till today I'm still at the starting point, but you have already walked back into your memories

你說我愛你太多就快要把你淹沒
Ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo Jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I loved you too much, so much so that it's drowning you

你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
Ni hai pa xing fu duan zhan yi miao jiu beng luo
You're scared that happiness will ebb after only a second

分開是一種解脫讓你好好的想過
Fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo Rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Breaking up is a form of relief; it allows you to think through carefully

我想要的那片天空你是不是能夠給我
Wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong Ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Can you give me that life that I want

你說我給你太多卻不能給我什麼
Ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo Jue bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I gave you too much, that you couldn't give me anything

分不清激情承諾永恆或迷惑
Fen bu qing qi qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can't tell between fervour, promises, eternity or temptation

愛情是一道傷口
Ai qing shi yi dao shang kou
Love is like a wound

我們各自苦痛
Wo men ge zi ku tong
Let's endure the pain ourselves

沉默是我最後溫柔
Chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou
What is my final act of gentleness

是因為我太愛你
Shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Is because I love you too much

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo zhan zai zhe li
There's only the violin left to stand here with me

夢想中屬於我們的婚禮
meng xiang zhong shu yu wo men de hun li
The marriage between us that I've always dreamt of

安靜了在我枕邊的夢裡
an jing le zai wo zhen bian de meng li
Has been silenced in my night-long dream

我知道相愛原本就不容易
wo zhi dao xiang ai yuan ben jiu bu rong yi
I know that mutual love is not easy from the start

愛不是1加1
ai bu shi yi jia yi
Love is not just one plus one

努力就有結局
nu li jiu you jie ju
You won't always get results even if you work hard

撒嬌的可愛的黏人的愛哭的
sa jiao de ke ai de nian ren de ai ku de
Poutingly, Cutely, Girlishly, Loving to cry

照片裡曾經的都是愛著你的
zhao pian li ceng jing de dou shi ai zhe ni de
From all the photos we've taken it can be seen how much I once loved you

臉頰的淚還溫熱卻沒有人握我的手
lian jia de lei hai wen re que mei you ren wo wo de shou
The tears on my cheeks are still warm, yet there's no one holding my hand

你說我愛你太多就快要把你淹沒
Ni shuo wo ai ni tai duo Jiu kuai yao ba ni yan mo
You said I loved you too much, so much so that it's drowning you

你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
Ni hai pa xing fu duan zhan yi miao jiu beng luo
You're scared that happiness will ebb after only a second

分開是一種解脫讓你好好的想過
Fen kai shi yi zhong jie tuo Rang ni hao hao de xiang guo
Breaking up is a form of relief; it allows you to think through carefully

我想要的那片天空你是不是能夠給我
Wo xiang yao de na pian tian kong Ni shi bu shi neng gou gei wo
Can you give me that life that I want

你說我給你太多卻不能給我什麼
Ni shuo wo gei ni tai duo Jue bu neng gei wo shen me
You said I gave you too much, that you couldn't give me anything

分不清激情承諾永恆或迷惑
Fen bu qing qi qing cheng nuo yong heng huo mi huo
Can't tell between fervour, promises, eternity or temptation

愛情是一道傷口
Ai qing shi yi dao shang kou
Love is like a wound

我們各自苦痛
Wo men ge zi ku tong
Let's endure the pain ourselves

沉默是我最後溫柔
Chen mo shi wo zui hou wen rou
What is my final act of gentleness

是因為我太愛你
Shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
Is because I love you too much

note : such a touching song, almost cried while i'm listening to the song, reading the lyrics and thinking of you..

Realization

2011-05-15T02:13:00.002+08:00

Today, i came to a point where i feel like somehow, as long as you're happy, i'm fine with it. and the rest of my feeling is like a battlefield. a war is going on inside my heart, whether to let you go, or keep on waiting. but when i thought of giving up, i don't know why, out of a sudden, tears started to burst out from my eyes. but when i thought of keep on waiting, my brain told me that no matter how hard i try, you are always like that, flat. and now, i don't even know which hurts me more. i am really clueless about this thing called 'love'.

J

Song of the day

2011-05-14T15:52:00.003+08:00

since it's holiday, and i apparently have nothing to do beside drowning myself in the internet world, i am going to make a new label called 'Song of the day" ! yay!
okay, maybe i am not going to post it everyday, but at least, i'll try to post it evertime i found a catchy song that makes my day :)

here it goes *drumrolls*

Lyrics :

Berdebar rasa di dada setiap kau tatap mataku
Apakah arti pandangan itu menunjukkan hasratmu
Sungguh aku telah tergoda saat kau dekat denganku
Hanya kau yang membuatku begini
Melepas panah asmara

Reff:
Sudah katakan cinta sudah kubilang sayang
Namun kau hanya diam tersenyum kepadaku
Kau buat aku bimbang kau buat aku gelisah
Ingin rasanya kau jadi milikku

Ku akan setia menunggu satu kata yang terucap
Dari isi hati sanubarimu yang membuatku bahagia

Sungguh aku telah tergoda saat kau dekat denganku
Hanya kau yang membuatku begini
Melepas panah asmara

Back to Reff:

Panah asmara panah asmara panah asmara

Back to Reff:

Kau buat aku bimbang kau buat aku gelisah
Ingin rasanya kau jadi milikku
Kau buat aku bimbang kau buat aku gelisah
Ingin rasanya kau jadi milikku
http://hotliriklagu.com
Panah asmara panah asmara panah asmara

enjoy ;)

i am ready !

2011-05-14T02:01:00.002+08:00

i don't know how to write it out, so let me just go to the point
i am accepted at LASALLE College of the Arts, Singapore! and being offered Tuition Grant! HA!
this is supercalifragilisticispialidocious!
i am one step closer to my dream!
and i'll never forget how fast my heart beats when i called synergy about the result.
also, mommy said i can go to singapore if i can find a place to stay with a reasonable price.
so currently i was browsing a bunch of hostels sites and accomodation sites, sending email for inquiry,yeah, those kinda stuffs. Looking for a nice and safe hostel/flatts with affordable price for sure.
oh yeah, if anyone happens to read this post and have any info about a place to stay in singapore, contact me please!

thankies ;)

Dear someone

2011-05-11T13:35:00.005+08:00

"dear someone

there's someone out there who still keep all of the captures of your smile, and look at them in the middle of night when she misses you. there's someone that secretly checking out your updates not because of stalking, but that's the only way to know how you are doing. there's someone that wishes she could be there spending whole day and night, helping you do your work. there's someone that barely breathe when accidentally bumped into each other. there's someone that still remember the first sweet smile from you. there's someone that trying hard to look fine when she heard about the new girl. there's someone that keep thinking about "if only". there's someone that keep repeating the song you played on your car. there's someone who will choose you, than anything else in the world. there's someone that wishes she could take care of you or tell you "get well soon" when you're sick. there's someone who might have been assumed as a horrible bitch for you, just because she tried every possible ways to move on from that sweet little memories. there's someone that will go with you wherever you wanted to go. there's someone that loves her birthday because it's the only day she will get a short text from you. there's someone that could not help herself to erase this little hope that one day she'll be as special again as she used to be.

i hope you know how precious you are to someone. i hope you know how long someone has been waiting, and might will always be waiting.

with love,

someone"

Okay, so just to make it clear, that quote up there is taken from www.superstellacupcakes.blogspot.com
I'm not a friend of her, and all i know about her is that she used to model while she is in Medan, and she is a pretty awesome model to me and she is currently staying in Australia.
I don't know why i love that quote so much that i decided to post it here and i know her story is different from mine, but i do those things in that quote that she wrote. So somehow i feel that the quote can express my feeling too, maybe that's why.
Feeling so up and down lately, and i don't even know why.
Too much things to be thought about, i guess i'll gone mad if i keep thinking about it.

J

Someday we'll know

2011-05-08T00:58:00.002+08:00

feel like blogging, but i don't know what to write. perhaps i just want to share.currently,feeling so random. don't even know what to write. #screams

"two years or later, will you still be on my mind?"

blame the novel that i just read.

"so many questions, i need an answer"

blame my heart.

"why i wasn't meant for you?"

blame my thoughts.

yes, i am jealous
duh, like i never experienced it before. yeah, i think, i don't even have the right to feel jealous, i mean, i am nobody and i know it's the risk of loving someone but not telling that someone. (okay, what the hell i'm writing here?) well, he has the right to talk to anyone, anyway he wants it and, he is a friendly guy.. so what the hell i have to feel jealous about? aggh....

I’ll get better, after a few tunes, after a few days, after a few tears. I’ll be better. because i am so good at pushing myself down and pulling myself up again in the end.

signing off,

J

Perhaps you

2011-05-07T17:18:00.002+08:00

Just finished reading this!

what do i think about this novel?
i am a bit disappointed though, because the reason i bought this book is because i think the synopsis is kinda like my 'love' story but eventually the writer seems like sort of distracted and it turned out to be more of another story instead, the story of a girl who became someone's-how do you say it in english?-selingkuhan.
well, in the end she reunited with her first love-thank God-because if not, i will say that i really regret buying this novel. The only thing that i dislike is that the writer wrote too little about how the main lead, got together with her first love somehow.
But, at least reading is still better than doing nothing, and since i had finished reading this book, now i have no idea what to do again. Crap.
anyway, i wanna tell a lil funny story about how i bought this book. so actually, i know that this book is not yet published, but i ask the bookstore's staff about this book, well, i don't hope to buy it anyway, since i'm pretty sure it was not available for sale yet, and the computer in the bookstore stated that this book will be for sale on 10th may. but suddenly, the bookstore's staff came back, and and gave me this book! i don't know where on earth did he got this, probably the storeroom though, i mean, the book doesn't even had any price tag on it!
so it's pretty awesome i guess, maybe i am the first buyer in medan? :p
lol

"Tak tahukah kau seperih apa perasaan hati yang tak berbalas? Menanti sesuatu yang tak kunjung datang? Hari berganti hari, tetapi arahku tak pernah berubah-selalu tertuju kepadamu. Aku tak pernah jenuh menunggu.. menunggu untuk kau cintai. Namun, kau hanya menganggapku lalu. Seperti tak kasat mata aku bagimu. Terkadang lelah menyuruhku menyerah, memintaku berhenti melakukan perbuatan sia - sia dan mulai mencari cinta baru. Namun, bagaimana mungkin aku sanggup melakukannya, kalau semua tentangmu mengikuti seperti bayangan menempel di bawah kakiku? Dan bagaimana pula caranya membakar habis semua rindu yang bertahun - tahun mengendap di hatiku? Aku berharap mendapatkan jawaban darimu. Namun, kau tetap membisu, membuatku lebih lama menunggu." Perhaps you ; a novel by Stephanie Zen

those are the synopsis. Now you know why i fell in love "at the first read" with this novel right? :)

my plans

2011-05-04T17:44:00.003+08:00

stressed out, still
i just try to not think about it that much and i have a few "plans" to do regarding to my problems.
so first of all, i'll apply to binus university, which is located in jakarta, taking interior design or creative advertising or communication visual design. (will decide later after a few more browsing about these majors) then i'll have to go to the eye doctor, for the eye test i guess... tomorrow or the day after tomorrow then.
then, if i got the TGD offer from Lasalle, i'll try to discuss it with my parents about letting me go to singapore to continue my study, i'll search for the good but cheapest hostel that i can find and i'll try to spend as lil' money as i can, i'll find part time job (hopefully in a book store) cause i don't think working in a fast food restaurant suits me (--") and, i'll try to get signed in an agency which can give me modeling jobs that fits my timetable. i'll build my life from down and make myself success, in everything that i do, after i got my diploma, i'll work first so then i can pay my bachelor degree study fees by myself.
if i don't get TGD? i'll go to jakarta, without any hatred feelings. i'll study and work there and continue my bachelor degree study in singapore (with my own money of course :) ) or another option, apply to singapore again next year but still, for the time being i'll study in jakarta.
so far, that's the only possible plan that i can think of.

wish me luck
i really want tgd :(

2011-05-04T14:57:00.003+08:00

so here i am, still feeling stressed out. left my tv on, just to not make my room feel so quiet. i wish things will work out like how i want it to be. i wish i can continue my study in singapore. i wish i can go to Lasalle. i wish i can take interior design major. i wish i can be a great designer. i wish i can work part time in a book store. i wish i can get signed by a modelling agency in singapore. i wish i can meet you accidentally someday. i wish i can talk to you normally. i wish i can make you smile. i wish you can feel the same way as how i feel for you.

wouldn't it be so perfect...?

currently : stressed out X(

2011-05-04T14:22:00.002+08:00

i am so stressed out with all of this college/university matters.
i want to continue my study in singapore. not because he also studies there, no, i am not that silly, i want to continue my study there, because i love singapore, i want to go there since i am still in primary school, and currently my situation is so devastating, all this family matters and money matters too, argh...
can't i just live my life like how i dream it would be? can't i continue my study in singapore , taking interior design major?
oh i am willing to live in small room, eat two times a day, i am willing to live far away from the word comfortable, as long as i can continue my study there.
no, i don't want jakarta, i don't want bandung, i don't want medan, i don't want graphic design, i don't want accounting!
call me selfish, call me childish,
i just want to fight for my dream

so random

2011-05-02T13:05:00.002+08:00

i am back. 12 o'clock currently. all i can hear from the tv is about osama's death. haven't had any breakfast, let alone lunch. couldn't remember my dream last night, though i am pretty sure there's you in it. my mind is full of you, still. woke up and check twitter to find out that you are going somewhere out from this town. wishing you had a great flight, but i can't since i am pretty sure when i woke up and saw your tweets, you might probably already arrived --". damn.
alright, i guess i am gonna go grab sth for lunch now, my stomach is grumbling like hell.

c y,

jesslyn

P.S : so happy suddenly, XD

baby i was born this way

2011-05-02T03:49:00.003+08:00

don't get it wrong, this post got nothing to do with lady gaga's hit.

well practically it's almost 3 in the morning so i'll make this post quite a snap, wait, probably not, depends on my mood too i guess. oh well, i'll just write what's on my mind.

1) i done my National Exam
yes, my 3rd year of HS is over, senior high school is over, school is over ! happy? not really. Sad? not really. idk? well, likely. i kinda wish the school still obliged us to go to school after the NE cause i am bored stiff during the holiday. I dunno what to do, and getting a work is not a great idea i guess, since i'm not going to further my study in my hometown, so there will be no workplace that would recruit someone who is only going to work for 2 or 3 months. can someone tell me what to do beside browsing,chatting,watching tv,listening to music,tweeting,eating and sleeping? (okay, i was like, 'pig in making' , my bad) yes, i do go out with my friends, but i can't do that everyday somehow.

2) i done my interview
i am waiting for my interview result, which will be sent via email on the middle of may. i really wish i can get the Tuition Grant #fingerscrossed. because studying and living in singapore had always been my dream and i believe i had wrote it here for a few times already too. the interview? it was quite good, it was fun , especially the discussion part, i had good times and mind cracking times as well, and i believe that i did a pretty good job, not being over confident though. just want to think positive.
anyway, thanks for everyone who wished me luck before the interview! i appreciate it a lot! thanks for being my mood booster :)

3) i went to prom
my school prom? urmm... how to describe it.. it was... so fast i couldn't even remember what i done that time. yeah, that's it. i wish i could experience it for one more time, really. :(
what i remember the most is that i really regret of not giving him that damn flower.

4) i talked about my feelings to a friend of mine
well, at first i never thought that i am going to talk about my feelings to this friend of mine, but maybe i was so depressed about that damn prom flower 'til i thought that maybe it was a great idea to ask some opinion from this friend of mine. so yeah, i end up telling him my pathetic love story. well, this friend of mine gave a few opinions that's actually been inside of my mind for quite a long time too, and some opinions that i think quite helpful. but really, maybe the part about 'telling him about the way i feel towards him' should be postponed still, sorry.
thanks so much for listening anyway :)

that's all i guess. i really need to get some sleep and go find something more interesting to do. lol

sincerely,

jesslyn

All We'd Ever Need

2011-04-07T23:07:00.005+08:00

one more thing, i am so in love with Lady Antebellum's All We've Ever Need, and i's like to share it here too, enjoy! :)

" Boy it's been all this time

And I can't get you off my mind

And nobody knows it but me

I stare at your photograph

Still sleep in the shirt you left

And nobody knows it but me

Everyday I wipe my tears away

So many nights I've prayed for you to say

[Chorus]

I should've been chasing you

I should've been trying to prove

That you were all that mattered to me

I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me

And maybe I could've made you believe

That what we had was all we'd ever need

My friends think I'm moving on

But the truth is I'm not that strong

And nobody knows it but me

And I've kept all the words you said

In a box underneath my bed

And nobody knows it but me

But if you're happy I'll get through somehow

But the truth is that I've been screaming out

[Repeat Chorus]

I should've been chasing you

You should've been trying to prove

That you were all that mattered to me

Oh you should've said all the things

That I kept inside of me

And maybe you could've made me believe

That what we had girl

Oh that what we had, what we had

It was all we'd ever need

It was all we'd ever need "

the lyrics are just so me...

thoughts

2011-04-07T22:51:00.002+08:00

hello bloggie! i am back!

NE is coming in err... 11 days and i am not prepared at all :/ okay, i know, i must have gone mad.

Lasalle interview is in about 2 weeks time and i am not prepared as well, still can't decide which artwork to be presented and i just can practice my english with myself, yes, literally, i am trying to think/talk to myself using english. like now.

okay, stop bullshitting about exam here.

i can't believe that school will be over pretty damn soon, and there won't be anything so called "woke up early/late to school" , "running to my school gate cause my school bell had rang" , "sleeping in class when teacher is explaining" , "chit chatting with friends when teacher is explaining" , "running on school's corridor (yes, i still do it sometimes)" , "playing truant" , "escape to my friends class during lesson" , and so much more. Well, there is one more thing that i am going to miss a lot though, which is "YOU" yeah, i can't see you anymore! :( it's sad. so sad. not even your voice, not even your smile :(

and, how the hell i can pass my days without school activity? i've been doing that my whole life, and now i am forced to end it. yes, i know i hate going to school, but, i love it too. i guess i had this love-hate relationship with school. lol

well, i have no idea anymore, will continue next time

bye!

Lots of Love,

Jesslyn Felicia :*

Dearest April

2011-04-02T21:55:00.003+08:00

Somehow i am afraid that the time is moving way too fast, today is the 2nd April already and i was like, really?? School will be over in about 3 weeks time, and all of those uni stuffs will come in return, i am excited but afraid too, it's like 2 different feelings are being mixed inside of me. :(
my biggest issue now is about mommy that suddenly feels kinda unsure about letting me learn interior design in uni these days and this issue has successfully stressed me out. :/ hope that mom will change her mind #fingerscrossed
I am already filling my head with my dreams of studying interior design, doing that as my job in the future and also live in singapore since years ago when i was in JHS. I really don't know which way i should go if i have to let go of that dream, and do something else instead. i can't even imagine of that. Mommy is afraid that life will be tough for me if i take design as my workfield in the future, well, mommy thinks that accounting/business is still a better option, but i don't have any interest at all on those fields, and yes, i know that dad still has to pay my brothers' school fee. that's why mommy only let's me go to singapore if i can got the Tuition Grant, or i'll be sent to jakarta. :/
but, don't expect me to give up my dream, i will still fight til the end, til all of my dream comes true. i am willing to suffer there because i know i will have a great future that way.
though sometimes i envy some of my friends that come from a good financial family that fully support them to continue their study overseas. :( #sigh

so i will stay positive, dream high, and reach all of my dreams :)
i'll stop here and continue next time, bye!

updated!

2011-03-20T21:08:00.003+08:00

New backgrounds, new layouts, new fonts, finally i had the mood to make a few changes here :)

finished my school exam a few days ago and i had my freedom back! Though i kinda miss the moment of going to school at 7 and arriving home at 10. lol. and to tell you the truth i miss him too.

so as soon as we finish the exam, we (read : 3rd graders) had our class photoshoot. it was held on the 17th and 18th of March. And hell yeah, i'll never forget 18th March. The laughter, the fun, the anxiety, the spirit, the luck and every little thing of it.

And with that, i can proudly say that my senior high school year is not that bad at all. well, only the beginning and the end though. the middle part? it sucks, sort of.

okay, no negativity in this post.

anyway, i feel so blessed this few days. i faced a lot problems, yet my faith always gave me a way out and yes, miracles do happen and i had encountered a lot of them. this is why i dislike people who had so much negative thoughts since having a positive mind can lead us to anything that we ever wanted. trust me.

so, stay positive! :)

in a blink of an eye

2011-03-05T12:56:00.006+08:00

it's the 5th march already and i was like, wow, time surely flies fast, way too fast i guess. but it's kinda good too. haha

on the day after tomorrow, i'll face my school's semester exam and the last exam for the 3rd grade student (read : me) and in about 5 weeks, i'll face the national exam and in 6 weeks i'll face the interview for Lasalle.

Tons of studying needed, so i guess i'll leave my blog for quite a long time again. :(

but i am now feeling super excited and i can't wait to move my life to singapore, not being over confident that i'll get accepted in Lasalle,but, i guess i just want to think positive. ha!

i still haven't decided to stay alone or rent an apartment/room with someone there. I want some privacy, i want to do something without getting worried that someone will comment me, and i think staying alone is the best solution, but it seems silly, whom should i talk with when i'm bored?

i'm afraid that i'll be some kind of lunatic if i live alone.

anyhow, i guess i better continue with my maths first.

adieu, see ya in my next post. soon.

xoxo,

a little update

2011-01-16T03:55:00.001+08:00

Hi dear bloggie.. It's been such a long time since my last post, sorry for the long pause. I'll made it up as soon as I have the time.
Anyway, the photos from the photoshoot that I wrote on my last post had already been given to me! It's quite great, there are some that I like, and some that I don't, I feel quite disappointed actually, but I also feel grateful at the same time, I'll try to be better for sure.
Another anyway, at the end of this month, something VERY important for my future will take place, which is the interview for Lasalle! (Wish me bunch of luck please!) I really" want to be accepted there... :( I hope that everything will go on smoothly.
Oh yeah, The Trashion Show 2011 will also take place in the end of Jan, I hope the schedule won't collide with the lasalle's interview.
So, here I am, preparing all I can for both the interview and the show, and hoping that all of them will go on smoothly.

Juno ♡

i hope i don't disappoint them

2011-01-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

Had my first outdoor photoshoot today!
It was fun though there are some accidents like the flat tire, the camera that fell and hit the ground, I hope the camera is alright!
Anyway, my thoughts still got the very best of me today, I keep thinking that my personality sucks, and it really got the best of me, I feel as stiff as a wooden block when I talk to them. Am I that boring?
God, I hope I got some killer shots! Please100x X(
Anyway, just want to say thanks to the designer,photographers, and the crew today for giving me the chance to be the model of the photoshoot, I hope I don't disappoint any of you. :)
Looking forward to be working with you guys again if I had the chance :D

Night :) wait! Last but not least! Happy new year bloggie! Hope this year will be better!

Xoxo,

Juno ♡

2010-12-04T17:54:00.001+08:00

Is this love? Am I falling in love...?

2010-12-02T19:05:00.000+08:00

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you...

Juno ♡

a song from me to you (or actually for myself?? i don't really know... )

2010-11-25T18:19:00.000+08:00

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own.

i logged in and start typing

2010-11-23T18:58:00.000+08:00

It's just the second day of the week but I knew that this will be a super hectic week for me. First of all, the teacher day's fashion show has made me absent from almost all of my tuition this month, and not to mention I also skipped some class for rehearsal. After teacher's day on Thursday doesn't mean that I can exhale a bit because my class' inauguration will be held on this saturday and my class monitor had silly-ly choose me to be the head of decoration sector ( for God's sake, can't he see how busy I had been this few weeks? )
So now, here I am, separating the time for rehearsal, my class' decoration, and my part-time job too.

Will post more,

Juno

help meeeee! my brain is abducted by holiday plan!

2010-11-15T00:40:00.000+08:00

Help me! My brain can't stop thinking about my may'11 holiday. T_T
I keep thinking about it though I know I have more things to be thought about now, like my college entrance test for example.
Oh God, what should I doooo? :(((((

(Throw them away first, J. U still can think about it later! Think about ur college entrance test first! You need the tuition grand!! Please100x J)

sunday :)

2010-11-14T10:37:00.001+08:00

Morning bloggie! Typing this post while I'm lying on my bed with my BaBy blue :*
Anyway, please ignore my few last post, that's the time when I'm feeling so bad about myself. I couldn't say that the problem had been solved, it's just abt 75%, because I'm still trying to be a better person.

Well, my friends and I are planning to go on a vacation on may 2011, it's more like a farewell holiday I guess, since it'd be the last time we could hang out before we go to college. We already decided to go to KL and Genting Highlands, but still couldn't decide where to go for the third destination. I myself highly rercommended singapore, why? Because singapore is so much fun, convenient, and clean. It's quite pricey I believe, but we could be more 'hemat' , right?
I even plan a few places that we should go if we go to singapore! Yes, this few days, I've been browsing in travelling websites like crazy! It was fun though, it even made me think that maybe I should take tour and travel as my third option for the course for college, lol. Afterall, I really hope I could go there, but I'm quite fine with other option too...
I'll post my list of 'places to go' as soon as I can find a computer to blog. Lol

Bye... :*

-stay optimistic!-

2010-11-08T00:08:00.000+08:00

......
I'm totally speechless.

Am I such a bad person?
Why I still don't know how to prioritize which one is more important for my life?

Can anyone just kill me?

2010-11-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

Maybe I really have a pollyanna disease

2010-11-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

I wanna get out of this place as soon as possible. Because I'd rather life alone than being forced to be someone I'm not.

Okay, I snap out. I messed up, I done a lot of wrong things, I dunno how to differ what's more important in my life.
The point is, argh, I'm just messed up.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???

tell me dear

2010-11-07T22:27:00.000+08:00

If I tell a lie, they'll get mad at me, if I tell the truth they will also get mad at me. Tell me what should I do? Tell me how to be a better human.

2010-11-07T22:25:00.000+08:00

I could really use an 'F' word right now

Happy birthday

2010-10-24T10:38:00.004+08:00

another 24, which means another birthday this month.
happy birthday to one of my besties Ernawati a.k.a Cia2.
i couldn't believe that we've been friends for 6 years ald.
thank you for always listening to all my thoughts and giving me your fab point of view.
and forgive me because i haven't been a good friend, i've done or said a few things that probably hurts you.
but after all, i wish you all the best, may smile and happiness always follow you where ever you go.

XOXO,

J

scribbling some little things

2010-10-20T19:48:00.002+08:00

today is the first day of my second monthly exam, and i realized will also be the last time i experience what so called 'second monthly exam' as next year i will ald graduated from high school..

well, today runs smoothly i can say, though i can only do 60% of my math exam. but who cares, it's my last year! i'm supposed to relax a lil' bit abt school life and focus more for my college exam, right?

anyway, have i told you that i now, work as a playgroup teacher's assistant? i guess not. but, yes, i do work now. today is just my second day, but i can tell you that all of the children are super cute! i hope i can take their pict and post it here to show it to you ;p. my job is quite simpl e actually, i just have to make sure the kids pay attention to the teacher, drink their water, and help them with some lil things.. so it's pretty fun actually :)

okay then, got to go now. c ya.. ;)

-dream as high as u can.sky is the limit. u'll never know how full of surprises ur life can be-

Quick post

2010-09-21T01:08:00.003+08:00

It's 12 o'clock already, which means i should already go to sleep, but then i decided to post something, since i've been abandoning my blog for so long. :(

Synergy called me today and told me that we can start to apply to Lasalle already. So all i need to do is ask mommy for the last confirmation, pay the administration fee, and collect all the files that is needed. Oh yes, and prepare my portfolio.

i only got about 3 months left, and i haven't start even a scratch, please just kill me X(

i already have the idea, and all i need to do is make it into a real piece of artwork. so i hope i can finish it in time, or else.

Anyway, angel told me that her mom has agreed to let her enroll in Lasalle too! Superb!

as for my second option, i'll choose Nafa, but i decided to apply online. as it saves me a lot of money than applying it from medan.

Well, wish me luck guys!

-You make your own happiness-

Sorry dear bloggieeeee

2010-09-15T18:02:00.002+08:00

my blog looks as dead as a deserted island in planet XXZ

oh God,,,

so sorry '~'

i'll try to post sth in this few days...

c y guys next time.. ;)

stay tune

a little wish on a white post

2010-08-24T22:40:00.002+08:00

Today is his birthday, and actually i really wanna give you a few special things today like be the girl who gave you a birthday cake, sing happy birthday song to you, and maybe give you a kiss in your cheek but i couldn't, since i'm your nobody and to consider my love is only a one sided love. If only you know how i envy all his friends around him who can wish him happy birthday eye-to-eye,and gave him a birthday surprise.

So i'd like to share some few things that i wish i can say to you.

"happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you..
happy birthday boy, hope you have a fantastic day today (as i'm sure your day will be filled with
all your best friend wishing you happy birthday) wish you all the best in everything that you do,
reach every dream that you want,and good health for the whole year."

and last but not least, for once again "happy birthday"

why?

2010-08-23T00:42:00.003+08:00

i miss you like crazy
i miss those times
i miss those moments

i love you madly
i love the way you smile
i love just everything in you

there are times when i really really wanna tell you about my feelings to you
but, i am afraid of what other people will think about me
stupid, yes i am
i hate the fact that it's not common here for girls to say "i love you" to the boy they love first
i mean, "why?"
why we may not?
we only want that someone to know, it's not like if we tell them, they have to be our boyfriend
we only want that boy we secretly always look at, we secretly always dream of, to know that there is a girl out there who love him more than he could imagine. we only want them to KNOW
and if they doesn't have any feelings to us, why they can't just act normally? act like how we are before we told you about our feelings, act like "we are friends"
ugh...
i really wish i can tell you

silly?
as long as it is because of you, i'm fine with it.

Something i rarely do

2010-08-22T20:49:00.010+08:00

I'll post a few pics in this post, yeah i know that i rarely do this before, but i have so many random pics in my lappie and i'd like to share a few here. Enjoy.. (:

me and stupid

2010-08-22T19:35:00.002+08:00

so problem's solved, thanks to my cousin and my best friend, thanks for the time, for listening to my stupid thoughts, and for giving me solutions. so it was just a dream, dream are only supposed to be a dream, nothing more, nothing less. well u can say i'm feeling much better now and i'm trying not to believe too much in supernatural things like that and just believe in God.

-have faith-

i dreamed..

2010-08-21T17:38:00.002+08:00

last night, i dreamed that i lost one of my teeth, i googled for the meaning and i found out that it means that i'll lose someone in my family. call me superstitious but this scares me to hell. Please God, i beg for forgiveness if i ever did something wrong, but please, bless my family, God. I beg you. Please God.

- i pray, i pray, i pray -

exam is going to be over... yipppie??

2010-08-19T19:52:00.003+08:00

it's already the 19th of august, which means my monthly exam is going to be over soon, but somehow deep inside my heart i don't want it to end. It doesn't mean that i love to stay awake 'til 2 o'clock in the morning to study, but well, you know what i mean dear bloggie... of course it's because of him, it always is. okay, let's drop the subject.

anyway, since it'll be holiday for the third grade science student tomorrow,so me, suvie and julia decided to take a short break from our studying routine and went to Thamrin Plaza to watch "The Expandables". The storyline is quite good, and it's full of great actors, explosion, and blood. Thank's God there is Jason Statham in the movie, so it's quite worth watching to me, cause i adore him. His accent and his acting too.

well, got to go, i'll continue next time
ciao

--don't stop believing--

so here i am...

2010-08-16T02:09:00.003+08:00

so here i am...
doing what a gemini-an good at, which is multitasking.. i'm currently studying physics and on lining...
people might ask, 'how can you study that way?'
well, i don't really know how to ans it, but i cant concentrate well when i'm studying without doing anything else like on lining or watching tv (yeah, i do it everytime)
muhaha

anyway, i know it's already mid august and i haven't start my portfolio for my application to Lasalle yet =="
i hope i can start doing it after i finish my monthly test at school :)
i really want to get accepted in singaporeeee :(
i don't really mind whether it is in Lasalle or NAFA.. as long as it is in Design major and in singapore...
because if not, my mommy will send me to Jakarta.. and that sucks..
i hate jakarta traffic, and especially the fact that i have to stay with my relatives there..
i want to be independent! duh..
living with your relatives, is... i dunno how to say it but, for sure, it'll give you much more drama in your life, i already had enough...
i also haven't bought any ielts or toefl book to enhance my english skills, since i already graduate from my last course and i don't go to any english course now, so i'm afraid that my english skills will get worse...
hais.. so many drama...
but i know that this last year will be very "menentukan" for my future.. so i will of course 'use' this last year wisely..
need to get back to physics now, bye!

-- the greatest failure is not failing after we had tried sth, but when we afraid to try to do sth --
and so far, i've made so many failure then... ~.~

thank's God

2010-08-13T20:59:00.003+08:00

thank you God for making my wish came true
i myself still can recall how amazed i was when that thing came true
thanks God, thank you so much. . .

some thoughts

2010-07-18T14:02:00.001+08:00

School had started for a few days, and i dunno why but i feel that this year will be better than last year. It doesn’t mean that my new classmates are better than my old one. Well, i still can’t say anything about them though, since i don’t really know them well yet. But, i don’t know why, i feel that this year will be better :)

Anyway, i sat right on the back row, at the corner to be exact. Yes, right at the corner. So it’s pretty damn hard for me to socialize, beside with the two people who sit in front of my table, whom i don’t-know-why sit so far away from my table, and with my deskmate, suvie. So hell yeah, it’s pretty damn boring there. Thank God at least i still have the big window on my other side. Though there aren’t any good view to look at, i still can see the blue sky at least :)

When i was arranging my school book in my bag a few days ago, i saw his picture which i put right on my bookshelf, and it made me feel really grateful. I feel really grateful to know him, because if not because of him, i won’t know how does it feel to love someone. He is afterall from the start always the boy that inspired me so much, from his personality to every little thing of him. So though i can’t have him by my side, i always feel grateful to experienced this one-sided-love, for it taught me a lot if things too. Really, i’d never knew how patience i can be if not because of him, as i am usually the kind of girl who loathe waiting so much, but i don’t know how, i already wait for him for nearly 3 years now. It’s not an amazing thing though, some people might call me stupid i guess for waiting for a boy for so long, but the problem is ‘i just don’t know how’. Or maybe i don’t want to?

your smile is my drug

2010-07-15T00:18:00.001+08:00

i'm not quite sure how to write it out, but i indeed feel happy today... maybe.. because i saw him 3 days in a row? i don't know.. but the last thing i know is that i smile with myself like crazy for a few sec after he flashed me his smile today.. okay, i'm quite sure that i had gone crazier.. but this is also the point where my dilemma start to grow bigger..and bigger.. i,indeed want to see him everyday.. all i want is that and if it came true, this will be the best year for me.. but how if i don't? now my eyes can't see anyone else but him again.. what should i do?

things that always made me feel so ambitious

2010-06-26T19:24:00.010+08:00

this post is dedicated to every little things and people that always made me feel ambitious to fulfill my dream =) enjoy~

my family

these are all the people that i love the most. the people that i always want to be happy, and the people that i want to make happy. it is for them that i study well and always do the best.
sorry i don't post any pics here =( i was blogging through my bro's pc and there is nothing here beside games and songs =="

my friends

the people who always cheer me up. the people who give me a lot of ideas. the people whom i share laughter and tears with. i feel so blessed to have you guys =)

Deviant Art

i love browsing images here. i don't know why but the creative atmosphere is very strong here! this website gaves me a lot of inspirations and always made me excited to fulfill my dream to be a designer

America's next top modelmy most favorite reality show ever!

why i love this show? because the winner is not judged by "sending text messages" but they are judged by expert people in the area. The contestants are not a famous model, but just some 'next-to-door' girl. So we'll see their transformation from being a next to door girl into a 'fierce' supermodel.
1 more thing, this show also give feedback and useful tips for girls learning to be a model!
some pics =)

this is nicole, winner of cycle 13
her pictures are simply gorgeous
see?this one is mckey (cvcle 11)
also one of my favorite winnerand this is london (cycle 12)
she doesn't win, but i love her hairstyle so much...
actually her pictures are quite good

cute stuffs, cute things, cute blogs

i don't know why i always feel excited and inspired when i saw cute things while i'm browsing or going to a shop (maybe cause i am a girl after-all. lol) there aren't any particular website that i usually open to search cute stuffs. i just click-click-click! :P

i think it's a wrap for this post.
i can't think of anything else already. lol

keep on trying. keep on believing

2010-06-25T13:07:00.000+08:00

well, i got my report today..
actually i already can see my score yesterday..
about my score...
i really don't know how i should express my feelings about it
i don't know i should feel grateful or feel disappointed about it

i'm happy that i still made it to the big 10 rank
but i'm disappointed because i can't get into the big 200 rank for my parallel rank
and i fell like i want to cry when i see my english score
it really is the lowest score now
it even beat my last PB score
it's lowerrrrr
maybe it's my fault for not studying well :(((((

and i always dream of being in a plus class you know
but since i'm not in the big 160 rank i guess i should bid that wish goodbye
:'( :'( :'(

so it's much more like this :

wish list :
[ X ] go to the + class
instead of putting a crosscheck mark, i should put a big X there

the good thing is i manage to stay positive and believe in GOD
so no matter how impossible i think it is.....
i believe that nothing is impossible if we believe in GOD........

so i end up like this :

wish list :
go to the + class or go to a better class than my 2nd grade class

peaceeeeeeeee.....
wish me luck guys
and sutomo... be kind to me pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee????

still in seventeen mood

2010-06-09T17:56:00.008+08:00

5 th June
the second day of being a seventeen girl turns out to be a very exciting and hectic day
so when i arrived at my modelling tuition, my teacher approached me and told me that i will participate in a show @ cambridge
i was freaking excited at that moment!
i do some GR at cambrige in the afternoon
well, i do still have problem with "tampil di depan umum"
my nerve is killing me...
so i can only do nothing but pray and practice more
at nite, me and my besties with kuku and my cousin had my birthday dinner at swiss-cafe
i don't make a big party, but still, this is my party and this is the best party ever ! ♥♥
some pics

♥ me and cia" ♥
♥ pela, man" and me ♥♥ me and the gangs ♥
(-) cia" who went home earlier

" there's no words to express how i feel towards being seventeen "

seventeen seventeen

2010-06-09T17:08:00.006+08:00

finally i got time to wrote abt what had happened during the past few days..

♥♥ 4th June ♥♥
my besties gave me a surprise early in the morning
they came to my room, gave me birthday cake and sang me "happy birthday"
i never experienced any birthday surprise before so... i'm indeed speechless
lol..

we ate cakes,played with ethan and jackie (angel's lil puppy), and laughed all around :))

♥ my birthday cake ♥

then we went to Happy Puppy
yes, another karaoke-ing in june :p

♥ jecy's hand, ce and angel ♥

in the evening, me and my family went to Cin Yen restaurant for some lil birthday dinner of mine :)

♥ grandpa ♥

today is indeed the best bday ever! ♥ ♥
♥ huge thanks to dad,mommy,grandpa,kuku and all of my besties ♥

Last day of being an 11th grader

2010-06-03T00:43:00.002+08:00

my biology exam turns to be very sour
so let's not talk about that,shall we? =="

so after the test, me and the girls went to inul vista for 3 hours of karaoke-ing and taking snapshots like crazy
we sing, we laugh, we jump around, we have fun!
then we headed to Sun Plaza to grab something to eat :9
due to financial restrictions (ceile,, pke bhs rumit g jls) we decided to just ate at Es teler 77
after that, we decided to went home
such an awesome day i should say

anw, i'm still thinking of some activities that i'd like to do during holidays
some of them are :
- watch all the DVDs that i already bought from a long time ago but due to hectic activities, i still haven't watch it until today
- make an artsy thing from a piece of cardboard into a place to stick all my photos
- read some novels
- cook some recipes
- hang out w/ my old friends

well, a very homey holiday schedule isn't it? :)
but i'm still trying to ask my mom to take me and my brothers to Universal studio,Singapore during this long holiday ;p
i am drooling to go there !

gotta go, so sleepy ald...
i'll try to post abt some awesome movies i had just watched during this few weeks :)

P.S : i saw him today!! on the last day of school before my long holiday. Thanks God for letting me saw him today.

the first day of june

2010-06-01T03:13:00.003+08:00

so i was browsing around and i found 1 very special blog made by a very special girl
her name is veren lee and her blog's name is "the little princess" she is just around 13 y.o i guess but she's a very inspiring girl i admit
she has a great fashion sense that suitable for girls around her age (how i wish i can be a girl like that, as you know, i can go to a mall wearing a tee and a hotpants which is a so "common style")
i believe i can be like her, i'm just lack of the prop ( u know, my mom never bought me a too unique-cutting dress as i usually won't wear them ) and lack of confidence too
but as i grow older, i guess i want to find my own style, i want to have that confidence of wearing sth that make u feel unique
so, not that i want to be a copycat, i decided to try to upload my blog with some of my street style
maybe i'll start off with some very common style, but i believe, things like 'fashion sense' can grow stronger if we practice it day by day, isn't it?
i also will try to save my money so that i can at least buy one new piece of sth to fill my wardrobe.
as i'm entering modelling world too, i guess it's pretty important to make me feel more fashionable, isn't it?
and some up-to-date dress would surely help me a lot in the future when i'm planning to join a modelling competition

okay, let's back to studying again
ciao

Going Insane

2010-05-15T02:23:00.004+08:00

I don't know what the hell is going on with me
I always said to myself that i had to over him, i always said that my dreams abt him won't come true
but why everytime i saw him, my hope grows 10 times bigger?
maybe it's because i'm the kind of person who won't give up easily
and maybe at the same time, i'm also the kind of person who like to lie to myself
maybe i wrote things in my blog like " i give up, i'm over him, bla3X " is only to assure me that what i lied to myself is true
okay, i dunno how i feel for him now
i don't feel any heartbeat when i saw him and he flashed me a smile today
but, though i don't feel any heartbeat, why instead, i feel that i want more?

" he's my own brand of heroine "

well, maybe he is..
i'm not lying if i still use him to encourage myself to study and to be a braver girl
(yes, though it's very embarrassing for me to admit this, it's true)
so... can anyone tell me, what kind of feeling is this?

" To me, you used to be someone i love. But now? Even myself don't know the answer "

Feel like blogging

2010-05-13T02:25:00.002+08:00

i'm having my holiday currently
i planned to do a lot of things actually
but one day has passed and i still feel that i haven't done anything

okay..
i'll share some great news..
i had bought a laptop!!!!
yippie!!!!
like, finally..
i named it 'Toshii'...

and guess what..
i also bought a pair of high heels!
no name
as i usually don't give name to non-electronic things (except my bolster)
it's 12 cm high heels,, can u imagine that??
it's very beautiful, and hard to walk with too =="
so i'm currently practicing to walk with it, and practicing to pose too (my body is as stiff as a wooden block, believe me)

**huge thanks to daddy and mommy!**

so night worlds...
may God bless us in what ever we do..

1st day of modelling tuition

2010-05-02T00:07:00.004+08:00

12.15 as nervous as hell. i keep thinking that in approximately 5 more minutes i'll be in my modelling tuition. keep thinking " oh God, what should i do there? "
12.20 arrive
12.21 pay some administration fee
12.25 another girl arrives
12.32 another girl arrives
12.35 a man come in and it turns out that he's my catwalk tutor, and ask the three of us to go to the 4th floor ( as there is where my class is located )
12.40 as tired as hell, 4th floor... oh my God
12.42 class is started so i learn the "pose 1" of "catwalking" today.
the keypoint for pose 1 is : walk, pose, spin, pose, spin, pose, spin, walk, spin
so many spinning 'til i get so dizzy @.@
but in the end it was quite fun in fact i can't wait for next week!
I'm sure is going to practice a lot at home and buy a "killer" high heels soon, so i can improve my skill

tatatabubulalasisi

2010-04-25T03:06:00.003+08:00

okay... i know it's not a hot news anymore...
but i don't have any ideas left for my post...
so here it is....

well, there's nothing that i can be proud of from my score anw.. --"
it's just a "so-so" score for me...
my target is actually to reach around 70-75 for my average score, i only got 69.. :(
one more point! ugh...

the only subject that doesn't make my eyes sore when i see my score is only my Civics...
it's ninety-something... ffuufuu
okay... maybe i also should feel quite impressed with my English score, as there are only a few people in my class who got a "pass mark" on this subject..
i got 80 anw.. (but it's still one of the lowest eng score i ever got.. duh.. )
but,, i have to feel grateful to everything that happens in my life,right?
so... i think i'll say "Congrats" to myself...

anw...
this thought came to me suddenly when i felt depressed about my score for a few gazillion sec..

" Ke sekolah pagi - pagi.. Pulang sore - sore... Langsung ke les ampe malem...
waktu ujian belajar mati - matian... tapi nilai gag bagus juga... merah juga.. remed jg... salah siapa ini? murid? atau guru? tidak bolehkah kami mendapatkan nilai dan masa dpn yg cerah?? "
okay, it's quite awkward isn't it?
i didn't translate it into eng, as i think it'd sound more awkward.. haha

~ i wish, i hope, i pray that tomorrow will be a better day~

help...?

2010-04-17T21:19:00.002+08:00

aigo...
dont know why but...
why my blog's template become so... weird suddenly??
it's like,, everything move here and there by itself!
duh...
can anyone tell me what's going on here?

Love doesn't travel alone

2010-04-14T18:50:00.003+08:00

so as what i mentioned in my last post..
i had just watched the movie " Hi, my sweetheart "
and it makes me think about my love life...

well, i noticed that i NEVER had a boyfriend yet.. ( i'm going to be 17 soon! and i still haven't got any bf :'( )
pity me, eh...
okay, i know... boyfriend is not everything...
but... i never feel the experience of being loved by a boy....
and i secretly wish i can exp one before i go to uni...

*i don't believe i'm going to write this out*
but...
i decided to stop loving HIM
that 'someone' that i often write abt...
well... i think i prefer to be loved now...
i believe that if someone love us, it won't be that hard for us to love that person too...
as long as he cares and loves me sincerely...
what's so wrong abt giving them a chance?
rite?

-the problem is, there's still no boy that love and care abt me- (haha, pity me)

i used to prefer to fight for my love, that i should be with someone i love...
but.. this feeling hurts me so much you know...
i search for him, but he never showed up
i open his profile like everyday, i think of him every second, but... he is just like... still like that...
so it makes me hurt more and more...

okay, okay, i still love him...
but.. i don't hope for him anymore...
i give up, boy
i give up...

Hi my sweetheart~~~

2010-04-14T18:19:00.011+08:00

HI MY SWEETHEART!!!~~

OMG... love this drama so much.... <3>
the storyline is very good...
have humour, romance, and sad parts too.... :((
too bad it's only 14 episodes...
i want more!!!
omGGGG!!
love this drama so much....

and SHow Luo also.. XP XD

so cool~~~ ~^^~
so handsome~~ ~^^~

guess i'm going to pass out soon bcos of his charm...
>u<>

The drips of rain

2010-04-02T16:01:00.002+08:00

enjoying my 'a few last minutes' before i have to leave to tuition...
so i decided to post sth...

so we have a wonderful weather for this afternoon, a cloudy and rainy one...
yippie!
but the bad thing is i have to spend in by going to tuition...
nah...

aniwei..
i am having a super great days...
hahaha
i couldn't stop smiling...
n dunno hw to write it also :P
gtg!
bye.. ^^